He give Abe another piece of bread. Heartbreak story. Shows people can be good. Share and like and another bread piece will be give to Abe.
Friday, November 28, 2014
OMG! Man Tries to Steal from Homeless Man, U Wont Believe What Happens Next?!
He give Abe another piece of bread. Heartbreak story. Shows people can be good. Share and like and another bread piece will be give to Abe.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" Conspiracy Theories
Many have compared "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" to the JFK assassination and many others among the great conspiracy cases. The facts surrounding the many mysteries the movie draws are nearly as cold as the Fall weather you experience while your children beg you to watch it for the ten-thousandth time. "That alone should be a warning to people" says 30-year old Jack Hammond, a local Missourian who claims to have viewed the movie over 830 times looking for clues to the seemingly endless supply of riddles that remain unanswered. Here are two conspiracy theories that he claims are the most striking.
1. The Angry Squid
Bill Melendez has never commented on the fact that there is a giant, angry squid looming in the sky as the children look to the stars in the famous pumpkin patch scene. Some say the squid represents the war-torn American mindset at the time of the TV special's first appearance in 1966. Some say that Melendez was aware of the future lack of privacy Americans would experience due to the internet, and was using this creature of the sea to try and warn us. Others still say it is simply an illusion, which makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.
2. The Sun Isn't Actually Setting
Many believed that the director of the holiday special had been sent to another planet through a major, government-funded teleportation device. At first, the people who had accepted this belief were the subject of endless ridicule. After carefully analyzing every single frame of the show's introductory scene, Hammond believes he has proof that this may have actually been the case. "You can clearly see that throughout the scene with Lucy forcing Pig Pen to pick out the largest pumpkin, the sun never moves." Hammond tells us that the amount of time the cartoon characters took should have shown at least some change in sun's azimuth, but it's clearly not there. He claims this may reflect the environment on the planet Melendez may or may not have been teleported to. Have a look for yourself above and make your own conclusions.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
PETA Activists Convince Missouri To Cancel Upcoming Deer Season
We interviewed one local hunter from Buffalo Missouri, who says he's not putting up with the local ban. "I been huntin' a turdy-too point buck fer over f'teen years." Jeff Bobberson told us in a phone interview, "Buffalo is goin' to leave this her' nation, and we'll jus' be watin' fer 'em to come beggin' us back in." Jeff Boberson and his two sons, Billy Jefferson and Bob Billyson, wear and display nothing but Confederate flags to show their passion for hunting. The family explained to our news team that the banning of deer season would be the catalyst in "the South risin' again." Our interviewing equipment died shortly later, as the family had no electricity to recharge the batteries.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Obama To Be Impeached
Clinton, Nixon, and all the way back to Andrew Jackson we can see presidents up to foul play giving their all to avoid multitudes of charges and accusations. Unfortunately for President Obama, there's no avoiding the fate he has brought upon himself. While visiting Springfield Missouri last weekend Obama and his family were shopping at a Walmart neighborhood market whose location cannot be given at this time. As they were picking up a few last minute groceries for the flight back home, the President could never have been prepared for the mess that would soon await him. President Obama didn't realize that two stray peaches had fallen down in his shopping cart and did not pay for them.
Arriving back home, the family realized that the two peaches didn't show up on their receipt and that the Neighborhood Market had been calling the White House for over an hour in attempt to contact them. It was too late. The senate ruled late this evening that Obama is to be impeached "two ripe, healthy peaches" in the most timely manner possible. The peaches will flown via an armored C-230 aircraft overnight to the neighborhood market to preserve their freshness. Local Springfield resident Josh Manard had this to say, "When I read online that President Obama was getting the boot, I couldn't be happier." Manard claims that Obama is to blame for his electric can opener jamming and ceasing to function late last week, and that "he's getting what he deserves."
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Hamster Scratches Off Million Dollar Ticket In Springfield
All was quiet in the house of Jenny Martin when she got home from work and put down a few scratchers she had purchased from a local Kum & Go on her way. Nothing stirred, not even a......hamster? This was unfortunately not the case for Martin, a local Springfield resident. "I put the keys and the scratcher tickets I bought on the table" Martin told us in an interview, "No sooner had I turned back around and the tickets were gone!" A short while later she found her hamster "Floofy McLumperkins" nibbling and scratching on a ticket after it had fallen on the kitchen floor. Jenny almost fainted as she realized that Floofy had scratched off a ticket prize of one million dollars.
When Martin attempted to cash the ticket in, a DNA analysis test quickly revealed the actual individual who scratched the ticket. "I knew right away that no human could scratch a ticket like that." Ryan Louie, a scratch-off synthesis biologist at the Missouri Lottery HQ told us. "I've seen a lot of hamster claw marks, and this was a dead give away." Unfortunately for Jenny, federal law and MO Lottery policies dictate that the hamster must receive the full amount of the winnings. Jenny said she was "astounded" at the requirement and doesn't feel safe now that Floofy's cage is filled with the cash. Local police are currently protecting the home until Floofy has chewed up and made bedding out of the remaining money. "It's his constitutional right." Police tell us.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Ghost of Johnny Cash Spotted at Battlefield Mall
It was a busy Monday morning at the Battlefield mall in Springfield Missouri when shoppers noticed something out of the ordinary. Back to school shopping was not the only buzz when a bizarre apparition was spotted in the food court waiting in line for Pan Pacific. Who would have guessed that famous singer and songwriter Johnny Cash had a taste for oriental? There have been many instances where shoppers noticed a ghostly figure wandering about the many stores. Local Springfield shopper Jan Marsh was browsing Hot Topic when she claims to have noticed his presence. "At first I could not believe my eyes, but he was really there! I could even see through his ghostly figure." Best Springfield News Reporters tried to chase down the ghost but he walked through a wall before an interview could be set up.
Many shoppers claim to hear quarters dropping into the massage chairs and a ghostly moaning echoing throughout the building. Cash had been frequenting the chairs for some time before he fully let his presence be known. Why the famous country singer chose to first appear on July 28 is unknown. Will the dead celebrity appear to the public again and why did he come to the Battlefield mall in Springfield Missouri? Perhaps the answer lies within the delicious chicken at Pan Pacific or the comfort of a massage chair. Maybe the answer is simply that Cash is a dead celebrity who in life and death does what he wants.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Tom Cruise Moving to Buffalo Missouri
Tom says one of the main aspects of the town drawing him in is the amazing food selection available. He visited a small chinese restaurant known as "Sims" and claimed it was the best food he'd ever had. "I unloaded my bowels violently for days" Mr Cruise told us in a phone interview, "The food must be loaded with fiber and many other healthy nutrients." He is excited to try the town's two other restaurant options; Pizza Hut and Hip Pocket Pizza. Tom told interviewers it looked like most other business' were closed down, but was hoping his presence in the town would boost the local economy.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)







